In the past week I think I’ve cried more than I have in my entire life… & if you know me, then you know that is A LOT of crying.

My mother always says, “We are a crying, laughing, hugging, kissing kinda family… if you don’t like that… then you won’t fit in.” She couldn’t be more accurate. My friends know that I cry… weekly. My family knows that I cry… way too much & my poor husband knows that on any given day, a good book, a funny movie, good food, Holland giving me a kiss or Robin (with Peloton) saying something inspirational, I could bust into tears.

Well, this past week (more like two), has been overwhelming, exciting, joyful & full of emotion. Holland turned one on February 1st, so naturally all week, anything that didn’t fit her, or any photo I came across of her that was anything previous to that day… would make me weep. Which brings us to day. Today was her first day of “school”. I didn’t exactly prepare myself for today, I’m not even sure that I could. But, it came natural, as if we had done if before. Paul & I woke up early, got ourselves ready then Holland woke up, we got her dressed, fed & into the car, like it was nothing. Until… it hit me.

Today was her FIRST day of school. The first day that would start her next (presumably) 23 years of learning, studying, making friends, memories & creating a future for herself.

The day she was born, I always knew this day would come. It’s just.. I never knew how fast it would, how hard it would be & in that very moment (pulling down our street), exactly how my parents felt every time I hit a milestone that created a lump in their throat or that tear in their eye.

Today was that day for me.

I couldn’t swallow back that lump, I couldn’t hold back those tears & I couldn’t let go of Holland’s hand – the entire drive to school.

I never knew how much I loved her until I saw her on the sonogram.

I never knew how much I needed her until I met her.

I never knew how much my patience would be tested until she cried all night the first night we brought her home.

I never knew how much I wanted to breastfeed, until I couldn’t.

I never knew how much my relationship with my husband would change, for the better. We are a team.

I never knew how much in life I was lacking until she showed me the true meaning.

I never knew how much I wanted to stop time until each monthly photo I took of her.

I never knew how much I would hate letting her go today. No one warned me. No one said, “Kate, it’s going to hurt like hell as you walk away.”

I never knew how much I would miss her until I couldn’t watch her on our security cameras at home.

I just never knew…

What I do know now, is that time flies. Everyone said it… they made sure of that. But, it doesn’t really sink in until you have “one of those moments” like mine: when I realized my baby was walking, talking, & waving “bye-bye” as she went to music time.

So my little Valentine, here is a poem that I will hold near & dear to my heart. To remind me to cherish each day, the good & the bad… because you are only little once & only for a little while.

“From the moment you hold your baby in your arms you will never be the same. You might long for the person you were before, when you had freedom and time and nothing in particular to worry about. You will know tiredness like you never knew before. Days will run into days that are exactly the same. Full of feedings and burping. Nappy changes & crying. Whining & fighting. Naps or a lack of naps. It might seem like a never-ending cycle. But don’t forget… there is a last time for everything & babies don’t keep.

There will come a time when you will feed your baby for the very last time. They will fall asleep on you after a long day & it will be the last time you ever hold your sleeping child. One day you will carry them on your hip & then set them down & never pick them up that way again. You will scrub their hair in the bath for one last time & from that day on they will want to bathe alone. They will hold your hand to cross the street & then will never reach for it again. They will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles & it will be the last night you ever wake to this. One afternoon you will sing, “the wheels on the bus,” & do all the actions to never sing that song again..

They will kiss you goodbye at the school gate & the next day they will ask to walk to the gate alone. You will read a final bedtime story & wipe your last dirty face. They will run to you with arms raised for the very last time… The thing is, you won’t even realize it’s the last time until there are no more times. Even then, it will take you a while to realize. So while you are living in these times, remember there are only so many of them & when they are gone… you will yearn for just one more day of them. For one last time.”

 

XO~ Kate

 

 

 

 

Y’all, this week it has officially hit me that in a month (hopefully), our baby girl will be here! Emotions are running high & the thought of her being here before we know it has finally taken its toll. View Post

We have all been waiting SO long to find out what our sweet little nugget is & when that moment finally came… everything in the world seemed to be, well, just perfect.  View Post

Lately I have found it increasingly harder to be motivated for just about anything.

Cooking seems like a chore, laundry (which is a chore) is now just a bore, getting up in the morning is a struggle all in itself… but picking out an outfit for anything is the biggest frustration of all and just becomes more frustrating as I look at all the clothes I can’t wear for a seemingly long time.

Someone once told me (actually, a couple of people have told me) that “once you’re in your second trimester,  all of your energy just pops back!” Well, I call BS. Pure, BS.

Whatever woman got all of her energy back… lied to someone. Yes, I feel great most days. But not because I got all of my energy back… it’s just I feel better than I do on my worst days. Which are the days where I feel like I could sleep for a million years and it still wouldn’t be enough.

My husband will back me up on this. There are days where I will get out of bed at a decent hour, get ready and go about my day. However, come 6pm.. I’m ready for the 3 b’s. Bath, book and bed.  Let’s be honest…usually, I’ll skip the book and fall straight to sleep. Then there are the wonderful days that I will get up between 11 and noon and not do a single thing (seriously, not a thing) all day but lay there on the couch because moving is not an option. Then of course, there are the days where I actually feel like myself, but that lasts a whole day and then it’s back to exhaustion.

I get it, I’m creating a human. All of my energy is being exerted into doing that and I’m a 100% okay with it. I just wish others would understand that when I say, “I’m tired” or “I’m tired.” I actually mean it.

Making a human is pretty damn awesome if you ask me. The things a woman’s body can do is so powerful.

Let’s get one thing straight though… I’m not complaining about being exhausted. I’m just curious as to what woman told another woman that all her energy came back in the second trimester to where now women today believe it. I was one of those women…. until week 14..15..16..17.. all passed and I pretty much realized it wasn’t going to happen to this woman. Me.

So… here’s where my motivation….  shmotivation comes in.

Being motivated is what started this blog for me. I was motivated that I could impact many or if not, just one life by my opinions, outfits, travel, etc. I was motivated to be that escape goat for those that just needed a breath of fresh air. I was motivated to let this be my voice outside of my own head. So lately, not only have I been exhausted but I’ve felt guilty. Guilty that I haven’t been motivated enough to post more, inspire more, learn more, and even love more. Guilty that I haven’t allowed myself the time to just write. Writing gives me the chance to breathe, think about something else other than the exhaustion and the fact that I’m not motivated and there must be something wrong with me!

I’ve been so focused on not trying to fall asleep during a conversation with the people that surround me that I’ve fallen asleep on you all that read/subscribe to my posts.

So, to get myself out of my shmotivational slump… I have made a calendar list of all the things that I want to accomplish for not only myself but for you all. So, back to motivation for this mommy-to-be. Regardless of how tired I think I am, I will make the bigger effort to post the things that I love and love doing.

 

~XO, Kate

Also, all suggestions welcome on how to be more motivated during pregnancy!!

 

Y’all, this pregnancy thing is NO JOKE! I have heard not only from my mom, sister, close friends & all the books I’m currently reading, that during the first trimester you are, “significantly more tired than before.” That is a COMPLETE understatement! My goodness, I could fall asleep just sitting here typing this. I LOVED sleep before, but now…. I LOVVVEEEEE sleep! Like really.  Oh & naps, I haven’t taken naps since college… until now.

Watching movies, shows, reading.. it’s very questionable on if I’ll make it though the first 10 minutes. It’s kind of a game now for my husband to see how long I can last. haha..

If this is anything you are experiencing I have found a few little remedies that have helped me make it through the day, without falling asleep at my desk, talking to someone or while sitting at a red light on my way home. I almost feel like I have narcolepsy. I know that is a serious condition, but in all seriousness… bystanders may think that is what you have, until you have a bump.

  • Take a walk. — I take just a quick little walk downstairs to get a water, smoothie, or just fresh air. This boosts my energy level & helps me to last a least another two hours before I start on the downhill again.
  • Eat a snack. — During your first trimester, you really don’t need to be eating extra calories, so what I’ve been doing is snacking throughout the day. Mixed nuts, a cup of popcorn, protein bar/shake, apple sauce or fruit.
  • Exercise. — Yep, that’s right. When at work, I will close my door, drop down & do push-up’s, planks or body squats. Once again, it’s that little boost of energy to help me out. (Fingers crossed no one walks in!)
  • Drink Water. — I love bottled water, I don’t know why but I just do. I order a 24 pack of Smartwater for the month & refill the bottle throughout the day. I have always been a water drinker, I don’t like soda, tea or energy drinks. So drinking water & now more than usual, has been pretty easy for me. However, giving up wine was a very sad day. (I’ll explain more about this in an upcoming blog!)
  • Music. — I’ve had to find a couple of songs that grab my attention & make me want to S.I.N.G!  Otherwise,  I would not be able to make it home from work or even the grocery store. So I’ve compiled my top songs that will at least get me from one place to another!
    • Top Songs:
      • Rihanna – Dancing In The Dark ; super fun & great workout song!
      • Whitney Houston – I Wanna Dance With Somebody.
      • Noah Cyrus – Stay Together.
      • Kygo – First Time.
      • Allie X – That’s So Us.
      • Ellie Goulding – Still Falling For You.
      • BORNS – Electric Love.

 

Enjoy!  XO, Kate