OMG, what do I even say. If I had to choose one word in the world to describe how I feel, it would be – Grateful. I think it perfectly describes pretty much all of my feelings in regards to finding out we are pregnant, how we found out, the whirlwind of time a frame that was & then, finding out it is a BABY BOY!!
Everyone has a “time frame” on when they want to start having babies, or when to plan for the next. Well, Paul & I had the talk of, “Okay, we’ll possibly start trying around this time.” Then BAM! God said, “hahah… this isn’t on your time… it’s on mine.” With Holland, we were not even considering babies yet. Sure, it was a thought in hindsight that we wanted them but we didn’t want one just yet. But, that’s not the plan God had for us & oh how we are ever SO grateful that it was.
This time around, we actually had talked about 2020 being the year we would consider starting to try for baby number two. Again, God laughed because if my timing is accurate, which it is… I was already pregnant during that conversation.
November of 2019, was nothing other than a whirlwind. There had been several times that I was out with my girl friends & “things” just didn’t feel right. I would either feel SUPER emotional, or I would be – what my friends say now, “just not yourself.” Then one night a few of us were out having the time of our lives when, again, I just didn’t feel right. So I mentioned to them… “Y’all… either I’m pregnant or my body is just needing a change.”
Later that night, the girls insisted I take a test. I just KNEW I wasn’t but figured I would take one to humor us all. As I took the first test, set it on the back of the toilet, I walked away & when it was time to look… I let the girls look because a part of me just didn’t want to & the other part of me knew it was going to say “negative”.
They grabbed the test, turned it over & when I saw the look on their faces (which will forever be ingrained in my brain) I immediately said, “shut up, you’re lying.” They turned the stick around for it to blatantly say, “pregnant.”
We all cried together, because of course, none of us really thought it was going to say yes & the fact that they got to witness first hand, for the first time a pregnancy test saying, “pregnant.” — We favored two more just in case, & those two said “pregnant” too – so there was no denying that I was! Like I said earlier, whirlwind.
The emotions, the high, the “OMG I’m pregnant… AGAIN!”, the “OMG I actually have to tell my husband now!”, “OMG Holland is going to be a big sister!” & all the other feelings that you can imagine going through my brain in .008 secs.
It took about two weeks before it actually started to sink in that we were pregnant. But, it didn’t feel REALLY REAL until I was able to tell my family. I didn’t want to do it over the phone since we live 5 hrs apart. So, we had to wait until Christmas morning – which was almost two months from finding out. IT DROVE ME INSANE. More so because my sister & I talk EVERY DAY & at least once a week she would say, “Are you okay?” or “Have you been crying?” – “Yes, I’m fine. BUT NOT REALLY BECAUSE I’M PREGNANT!” & “No, I just sneezed. WHICH IS ALSO A LIE BECAUSE YES I’VE CRIED EVERY. SINGLE. DAMN. DAY!”
Once I was FINALLY able to tell them, everything seemed to fall into place.
We soon had our genetic testing done, to which then I let one of my best friends keep the secret of what the baby was for our Gender Reveal.
Leading up to that I had so much anxiety/excitement – would Holland get a sister to play barbies, babies & ballet with? Or would she get a little brother who would protect, pick on her & also pick his nose.
I was convinced it was a girl. I would have put my life savings on it that we were having another girl. But, BOY was I wrong. 😉
So, back to my one word — Grateful. Grateful that we are blessed with a girl & a boy. Grateful that God is trusting us to raise these tiny humans in this crazy world. Grateful to have such an amazing husband (that I need to give more praise to than I currently do) that helps me more than I could ever imagine.
Let alone, we are so grateful to be able to carry another baby, to have the most supportive family & friends that surround us, that love our babies as if they were their own & to share these moments with them & even with you.
Tip of the Day: Even on your worst days, remember to be grateful. Always.